It is not a foreign concept that dating in 2021 has become increasingly frightening and in some cases so intolerable that people have started to avoid it all together, choosing to fly the single flag on their ship and very proudly. But who are we kidding – we all want someone to love and even more so to be loved.

The fear is deeply set within the aftermath – not another heart break. The notion of piecing one’s self together yet again after building ourselves back up from the last detonation is enough to make anyone choose the single ship.

Here are the top tips to deal with a break up like men that may be beneficial:

Don’t tell yourself he doesn’t miss you

Men do not show emotion in the same way as women. They prefer to move on swiftly, persevere and stay busy. Feeling is not really a done thing. But don’t be mistaken. Telling yourself someone you love doesn’t care about you and doesn’t miss you is an injustice you are doing only to yourself. They may not call or text to tell you, they may not express it in what they do or post on social media, but love is not an emotion that can be instantly shut down or ignored. If they loved you, they miss you.  Simple as that.

Respect their boundaries

In other words – no essay text messages. Don’t engage in textual wars after someone has expressed respectfully why they don’t wish to be together anymore. The pain can be unbearable, but ultimately the pain won’t be removed by them and the only thing that is achieved will be pushing them further away.

Use their friends and family as target practice

The clue is in the title – THEIR. Degrading your ex to anyone that will listen in the aftermath is a waste of energy. No matter what happens when and why, when the night time comes and the moon starts to rise, those people belong to them and although they may sympathise whole heartedly, they will never change sides. They will always go back to the other person. They’re not really listening, it’s hard to hear I know. But really they just have sympathy for you and don’t wish to cause you more pain.

Focus on you

Have you ever noticed the tendency to become completely obsessed with what a man is doing, yet they don’t act in the same way? That’s because men are providers and natural forefront thinkers, me first. They naturally gravitate into a “what will help me feel better right now” mentality and focus on themselves far quicker. The faster you bring everything back to you and start to replenish your wounds the faster you will recover. 

Stop thinking that you can’t recreate the magic

The golden one. Now moving on is not easy, healing takes time, self-love and effort. Most women are natural caregivers, healers and all things depleting when acquired by the wrong person. We tend to look at the person we loved all shiny bright and new and think, you have run away with half of me I will never be the same. But remember this – if you gave them the magic you can recreate the magic. The magic started with you. You are the factory. You will, when you are ready, create more! You are the source. The creator. So.. Just make more.

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Contributor Havva Ramadan is a singer, songwriter, and relationship and wellness influencer based in London. Adored by fans and recognized for her talents, Ramadan reached millions of streams on Spotify and views on various social channels.