8 Do’s and Don’ts When Your Mind is Under the Weather
If you think you’re going to read another “how to meditate” article, believe me I will leave the article as fast as you. For those of us that suffer with anxiety we all know even just the suggestion of meditation gives our anxiety – anxiety.
This is a place of realness because if you don’t make time for your wellness you will be forced to make time for your illness. Yes. Read that again.
Oftentimes we are so caught up in what we perceive to be our mental health that we don’t realise what part is our mental and what part is our health. This leads me straight into number one –
1) Don’t – believe everything you hear. We are what we give power to and the more power you give to your thoughts during down cycles the more powerful they become. The more you tell yourself you are – insert negative thought here – the more you will believe it. The first step to not feeling broken is to stop telling yourself you are broken. I don’t believe in having the power to stop thoughts altogether – but I do believe that although we may still hear these things we can choose to ignore them, think and act around them, not respond to them and learn new ways to not let a thought become your reality. Listen to your narrative and carefully decipher what is fact and what is not – what is your mind feeling sad and what is your health telling you it needs attention.
2) Do – give yourself permission! The same way a doctor will declare you as sick if you are visibly unwell, you are also sick when you’re mentally unwell. Give yourself permission to take the day off, to cancel, to take a break, to have a bed. Go no contact and replenish your energy. 24 hours! We are still in the habit of feeling guilty because the mind is unseen and therefore non-existent? Arguably, the mind is the vessel and without it the body can not run. You are the controller, you are allowed to decide this for yourself without needing proof.
3) Don’t – listen to brutality disguised as motivation. “You have to” You need to” “You must”. Usually the advice thrust upon you by your nearest and dearest. While yes you do have to and need to, at some point, maybe not that day. Maybe on that day you want to lay in bed all day, and that is absolutely fine.
4) Do – try and figure out the trigger or the problem. Listen to your inner narrative and try to find the route of why this cycle has come about and more importantly – TALK BACK! Nobody lives in your head other than you. It’s not just a one way conversation, in fact there can be a whole panel involved but believe me talking back is a great key to fighting back.
5) Don’t – try and fix everything in one go, slow dooowntiger. These things take time, healing takes time. It is messy and it is hard work let us not sugar coat that. But what is the alternative? A continuation of all that we no longer desire. Take. Your. Time. Let it in and feel it to its fullest, embrace it let it become you and let it leave you. Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time you would give to others.
6) Do – change your narrative. Key words like “suffer” are a no go. When we recycle our past is most often when we find ourselves stuck in a depressive state. If you change your narrative you change your story – in the example of a history of domestic violence, if you say “I suffered from domestic violence” it means you are still a victim. Still in the state of “suffering”. If you change this to “battle” - “I battled with domestic violence” – this means you fought against it. You won. You are no longer in this state. You are out and you have won.
7) Don’t – explain yourself to other people. What a waste of energy. You don’t need someone’s validation to know who you are and how you are feeling. Learn to validate yourself. Clap for yourself! Only you know what it takes to be you, what it takes to get up in the morning. Learn to be proud of yourself and say well done for the little things that no one knows about. A shower! Getting dressed! Eating. These small things may seem so trivial but to a person in a sad state they can seem like mountains. Maybe you couldn’t do it yesterday and maybe you won’t be able to do it tomorrow, so it is imperative that you learn to give yourself recognition.
8) Do – and this is the most important one – make friends with yourself. More often than not we are never taught to study our past and figure out when or why we started to feel a certain way. Mental health in most cases is highly linked to an event or circumstance that brought about an unbearable amount of emotional pain. The departing of a loved one, a heartbreak, a loss, domestic violence. It is a shelter that the mind uses when the pain becomes unbearable. It is actually a form of protection from all things too hard to bear. The mind will block said events and have you living in a state of emotion that sometimes you can’t even remember the route of. It is born from pain and unfortunately most people think that being as nasty or brutal or hating it is what is going to make it go away. On the contrary, befriend yourself. Hate does not drive out hate. Only love can do that. A hurt child needs love to grow. You have been hurt enough. Your inner hurt child needs love – and it has to come from you. Your acceptance and love of yourself is your key to freedom.
Ultimately – the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one. Along the way we fall out with ourselves without our own knowledge. The way you speak to yourself, the way you see yourself, the way you validate yourself, these are all vital to building our foundation from the ground up. The cement has to be of high quality, for it will be holding you up for the rest of your life. Remember this my beautiful people.
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Contributor Havva Ramadan is a singer, songwriter, and relationship and wellness influencer based in London. Adored by fans and recognized for her talents, Ramadan reached millions of streams on Spotify and views on various social channels.
