Parents everywhere are trying to figure things out post-COVID-19. Many of your efforts involve trial and error. While you are feeling the shift, so are the kids and particularly teenagers.

Understanding what everyone is going through and raising two teens herself, parenting expert and licensed educational psychologist, Reena B. Patel is going through the same struggles with her own.

Patel is constantly implementing positive parenting techniques more than ever and has given her expertise to do so below:

Positive Parenting Tools

1. Parent by example. (Model what you expect) Think of your teens like a copy machine who will mimic everything you do. If you make poor choices in behavior, you are giving them permission to act in the same ways. Check in with yourself, and don’t lose it in front of them.

2. Children need positive attention. If they do not receive positive attention from family, they may choose to seek out negative attention. This is because negative attention is still attention, and any attention is better than being ignored. Remember to communicate with your child. Love and care are the greatest healers.

3. Set clear limits on your child’s behavior. Sit down and have a family discussion on the family rules in your home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if they break the rules. Rules should be few, fair, easy to follow, enforceable, and positively stated

Communication

1. If you feel like you're getting the cold shoulder while at home around your teen — Make Family Time for Meals. Even though you might feel disconnected at times from your teen, your creating a space for when she is ready to have dialogue 

2. Are your teens allergic to questions? Girls want questions driven by genuine interests. Ex: try not to ask SO, how was your day? Instead ask How's it going in algebra, I know you were not loving your unit last week. Honest questions get honest answers. 

3. Validate and emphasize what they are going through. It's not easy being a teen girl and missing social events, seeing friends in person, and doing activities such as going to the mall. 

Social Media 

1. Just because your teens are at home more, doesn't mean they should stay on their phones more. 

2. Create digital rules, things include use of their phones. 

3. Be open- Don't check your teens phone in secret- if they find out, which they will, you will have a hard time gaining trust back. 

4. Be clear from the onset you will be doing random checks. This allows for speed bumps. Teens are impulsive and the reminders help with decision making- Ex posting something based on peer pressure or gaming up on a chain of negative comments. I get it digital technology gives teens a way to build and maintain friendships when they are not together. 

5. But, talk to your teens about the permanent mark it leaves. You might think you can erase a comment or picture, but it doesn't fully disappear- tongue sticking out pic. 

6. Unplug where there are opportunities for social skills & in person connections

Dealing with Disappointment with Grades and Remote learning 

1. When boys fail at  a test, they have a tendency to cope by balancing external factors ex: the teacher hates me, the test was dumb, 

2. Same scenario -  a girl would explain failures internally and permanently - I will never be good at or I’m dumb, I’m not smart at math. Even though they may have gotten A’s on 4 starlight quizzes and one B. 

3. Focus on what is called Growth mindset vs. Fixed mindset. In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great.

About the Expert:

Reena B. Patel is a Parenting Expert, Guidance Counselor, Licensed Educational Psychologist, and Board Certified Behavior Analyst.

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